A Heartbreaking Year 2010

Two deaths in the family. That's why I haven't blogged in over a year! My father-in-law lost his battle with cancer and I had a miscarriage. Tough stuff. I still find myself getting weepy when I think of the loss of either one or both. Seeing my mother-in-law find her way without her life partner since she was 18 years old has been inspiring. She has made bold steps to create a new normal for herself. I can't imagine what life would be like to lose a soul-mate after living together for over 50 years. Ugh! I know my dear father-in-law is in a much better place, my hope is in Heaven, and with Jesus the Christ.

The miscarriage, that is too tough to write about yet. I am teary-eyed just thinking about it. My sister, my cousin and my niece all had healthy babies last year. They all recently turned one year old. Again tough stuff for me, but I am thankful to be surrounded by them all. I love them. The babies, they bring me such longing in my own heart but yet overwhelming love swells up to watch each new development in their lives. They are all now walking, a bit like Frankenstein.

Both my husband and I have gained emotional weight. Crud! I have never weighed so much outside of being pregnant (with my only birthed son.)  I once thought, after hearing that Rene Zellweger gained 30 pounds to play Bridget Jones in Bridget Jones' Diary, that I wanted to do that, gain weight...and then lose it quickly, like she did. Just to prove I could do it. Up to that point I hadn't battle with weight issues. That was several years ago, and who thinks that kind of thing. Wanting to gain weight to lose it! What was I thinking!? Now, I've gone and done it, gained not quite 30 pounds but close enough to warrant a GET OFF YOUR BUTT AND MOVE IT alarm. Yesterday, Stud Muffin and I went for an hour walk. You can't walk for an hour let alone 30 seconds from our house without encountering HILLS. Therefore, my butt is sore, and my quads are sore going up and down our stairs.

My peanut M-n-M savant husband won the M-n-M prize two years in a row for guessing the number closest to how many M-n-Ms were the a jar at the Christmas party. Side note: He also received five pounds of his favorite candy/peanut M-n-Ms as Christmas gifts. I just measured out 1/4 cup of M-n-Ms. It is 17 candies and 220 calories. Do you know how many times our hands have been in that jar since he won it?  Too many "just a handful" of 220 calories EACH! It takes running two ten-minute miles to burn off that "handful" of M-n-Ms.

Despite her great loss, my mother-in-law has taken on a host of new challenges at 76 years old! She is doing yoga on Mondays with my sister-in-law. She walks everyday. She has lost considerable weight and she is eating well. She is volunteering at a non-profit shop for breast cancer. And she is a breast cancer surviver. I know her heart still aches for her husband yet she has found a way to work through it and to shine in a new way.

What will be the spark to light my fire? I don't know yet. I keep facilitating between being cynical about life and being hopeful of the future. I do believe that the cynical voice is diminishing and the hopeful is re-emerging. More time will tell. I have ideas of what I want to try in the new year. Whatever it is children will most likely be involved, somehow.

Healthy Choices with Pure Botanical Hair Color

My gray hair had been peeking out for several weeks now. Three weeks ago I miscarried and went searching for answers to why this might have happened. One of the things I discovered was that the habit of coloring our hair every 4-6 weeks can be extremely damaging to our reproductive systems and causing cancer. Three women in my immediate circle who regularly color their hair and work with hair dyes had breast cancer or a genetic birth defect baby. I had switched from a permanent hair color (Revlon ColorSilk Medium Golden Brown to the non-permanent color Clairol , Natural Instincts, Navajo Bronze because it says right on the box "healthier way to color" (versus the leading level 3). Both of which have a rating of 9 and 10 respectively by http://www.ewg.org/ for toxicity for cancer, developmental/reproductive toxicity, allergies/immune toxicity, and more.

I have bought botanical (plant based) hair color before thinking I was going to use it. I read the instructions and was discouraged at the laborious process. I gave the box away to a friend who was going to use it for a craft project. This time I was determined to give it a try. I bought Light Mountain Natural, Color the Gray, Light Brown. This has a EWG (Environmental Working Group rating of 1 for toxicity. Yay!

I read the instructions and watched several YouTube videos on how to do it. Next I needed a block of time to 'getter done'. We had been swamped with baseball practice and tournaments. I was determined to make Monday 'the day'.

The first step seems to me to be a primer step for coloring the gray hair. Then you put on the real color. After the first step I didn't think I was going to have enough color for step 2. I went to the small  local health food store and they didn't have what I needed. I had to run to the larger farther away health store to get another box of color, Light Mountain Natural, Light Brown. I mixed both batches and let that cure for 3 hours. In the past my hair has been stubborn taking chemical color so I knew it could take longer than usual. I tried the best I could for quite some time getting the mixture on my hair in a systematic way. I felt like I was dealing with dreadlocks. It was heavy and smelly. I called my oldest son into the bathroom to take some pictures, thinking I want this documented. I may never do this again. He was also helpful in pointing out some missed spots.

Once I got all the color on from two packages I wrapped plastic wrap over it, then a Turbie Twist. I went to my room to hide out for three hours. By the time the three hours were up it was 9:40pm. I took a very long shower rinsing out all that product. It was gritty near the end. The water was nearly clear but there was gritty pieces left. I ended my shower thinking that was good enough. As I towel dried my hair the grit kept falling out. I don't consistently blow dry my hair, I mostly let it air dry.

After combing my hair out with a wide toothed pick I went to bed. The smell was overwhelming, something like a campfire when someone puts green leaves in the fire. When I gave my son a hug good-night he commented on the powerful smell. I thought it would dissipate. I tried to sleep with it anyway. It was too much. I had to get up and blow it dry. It also helped get rid of more of the left over grits, instead of leaving them on my pillow.

The smell isn't too bad now, much more subtle. It hasn't been 24 hours yet. That's when I can wash it using shampoo and conditioner. After a few days, the oxidizing of the color should be done. I will update this post with pictures then.

Have you tried botanical hair color? What was your result? Would you do it again?

UPDATE: This is a picture outside after 3 days. (July 2, 2010) The color is a little lighter where I had previously had bleached highlights. The gray is lighter and redder than the overall color. I don't mind this effect as it blends in well. I'm writing this a week after coloring and the color has gotten even better. My hair feels healthier and I will do it again regardless of the laborious process.